Previously on Neighbours: Dec 10 - Dec 14, 2007

Well... it's done. Neighbours is over for the year and won't be back for several weeks. Such despair. Such angst and confusion. And the suspense... the suspense is really kicking in now.
As far as finales go, I have to say I'm very pleased. The sheer amount of popular and well-known lives in jeopardy is amazing. The relationship-related cliffhangers... pretty average and anti-climactic. But who the fuck cares about Janae and Ned when Bridgit and Declan are in peril??

OMFG!!! Here's the final recap of '07:

Monday: Elle and Riley press their boss to allow them to write about the rave scene that suddenly hit Erinsborough. But the assignment is given to Smithy! Damn that off-screen bastard. You win this round, Smithy. Oliver and Carmella discuss custody for maybe the millionth time since their baby's conception. Darren and Libby argue about starting over. He touches her hand, she pulls away. Dramatic. The old Timmins house is officially for sale, and the Parkers want to buy it. Allthewhile, Marco is a gay prostitute.

Tuesday: Libby is staying put in her childhood home. Darren is obsessed with both Shepp' and the saying of the word Shepp', and is thus displeased. Miranda and Steve think Janae is a dud and want her out of the house deal. Jessica is walking her dog and just so happens to see Angus the Pedophile Classic Car Collector having a heated discussion with Rachel. Jessica gets an evil close-up as she ponders what to do with the gossip. Carmella continues her latest rant over custody with Oliver saying that Marco will never take his role as a father. Okay, so we've established that again. Now write it down Carmella, so you can remember it. I don't want to go through all this again.

Wednesday: Rachel figures out that Jessica knows! Oh noes! So what happens next? They both decide to go dancing???? Uhhhh? I award the Ned Sigh of the Week to the moment when Miranda and Steve tell him that they don't want Janae's name on the house. Huge sigh. Darren deals with his worrying by going to the mechanic and pointing out Janae's incompetence as a businesswoman. Elle and Riley attend the rave party, disregarding the efforts of poor old Smithy.

Thursday: Rachel leaves the dance party to see Angus. He tells her to fuck off. She does. Then she goes back to him, which is enough for him to change his mind. Elle confesses to love some totally arbitrary and indistinctive background music. The warehouse that the dance party was being held in collapses. Shit!!! Janae kisses Darren after she finds out she needs to be excluded from the house purchase. Kirstin sees everything.

Friday: Janae can't believe what she did. She rushes home and tries to tell Ned, but doesn't get the chance. The news has broken about the warehouse crash and all the residents rush to the scene. Characters whose heads are poking out of rubble and/or big metal, heavy things include: Bridgit, Ringo, Jessica, Elle, Riley and Zeke. Characters that are just in there for the hell of it include: Declan, Karl and Libby.
Actually, Karl and Libby got crushed with what looked like a ton of concrete and mortar, so I don't know. Mopey Josh and Zeke's little gargoyle girlfriend made it out, but noone cared (myself included) and they were pushed aside like pieces of trash. If anyone is going to die it will be Jessica, if only just for storyline and contract related reasons. Soon she'll become infamous as 'that girl who died in that dance-party disaster.' But we are left waiting... to know for certain!

Previously on Neighbours will be back in '08 to cover the entire year's worth of Neighbours episodes. 2008 promises to be an amazing year for my Neighbours coverage. I'll award a Ned Sigh of the Week every week until I get sick of it. And I promise to stop overdoing the whole Marco is a gay man/slave/sex-worker punchline. Until then though, you're just going to have to put up with the other not-so-great segments of the blog. Enjoy, won't you?