Overplayed Movies: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

In 2004, a study found that since the introduction of feature films, there have been more than 120, 000 movies made throughout the last century.

Before I start, I'd just like to list a couple of notes. First is that on my break, I do acknowledge that Channel Ten did what they do best and they played Jerry Maguire. For anyone keeping tabs, this is the 500th time they have played the movie, thus making it MORE than eligible to be an Overplayed Movie. However, since I was in one of those "I couldn't be fucked moods", I didn't get to log it. But I did think about it, which makes some difference I hope.
My own nerdish rules for this segment state that these posts need to be submitted on the same day as the movie's airdate, so while Jerry Maguire really deserved to have the Dystopia treatment, alas, I am a victim of my own obsessive compulsive disorder. And it's not as if it won't be on again in two months.
Secondly, I want to point out something interesting. So far in the Overplayed Movies history, I've realised I haven't even seen a lot of the movies I'm writing about. This is especially ironic, seeings as this whole segment is based on movies I'm sick of seeing on the programming schedule. I guess I'm proof that there is still an audience for movies that have been in the marketplace multiple times.

I guess I also better mention the actual movie tonight. It's Channel Ten. Again. They have been the subject of EVERY SINGLE OVERPLAYED MOVIE so far. They outta be ashamed, but I know they aren't. They are probably too busy finding more gaps in their schedule to cram in more Back to the Future double features.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a movie I haven't seen. But it's been on. A heck of a lot. In fact, I can't be positive, but I think it was on maybe 3 months ago. How do I know this? Because I'm pretty sure they used the same ad.
To be fair, this is really the only sort of movie Channel Ten knows how to market well. Science fiction, thriller, comedy... they all get misrepresented and bastardized to some degree. But romantic fluff like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a simple, syrupy film, and it's hard for anyone to get their wires crossed with it. Make sure you get McConaughey's chest in the ad, and you have your marketing intentions set.
Honestly, I don't mind if you don't have genre variety. Just get more fucking movies!

Ad Shittium: Domino's Supreme Salads

Synopsis: A girl can't write songs. Her friends bust into her apartment and they hand her New Domino's Supreme Salads. She can suddenly now write songs.

This ad is low. Low even for Domino's. It's so focused on showing off the fucking salad that it fails to explain how exactly the salad helped to inspire the girl. In fact, there's no evidence to show that the salads even helped at all. They was merely there in the room when she had her creative breakthrough. That doesn't make me want a salad. It makes me want to jump online and write a slanderous blog entry.

Death Toll: Survivor Week 2

Survivor is great. More specifically, this season is AWESOME.
It's like the tribes are completely in sync with me and my venomous and easily provoked damnation of anyone who may do something with the slight connotation of pissing me off. They are voting off each and every one of my most hated. It's like they are doing my bidding, as if I was their sole tribal deity. And it's a fucking fantastic feeling.

It was a double episode this week, so that means two more bodies hit the pile. Worthless, annoying and terrible bodies, I might add.

Bible Woman! Yeah, good old Bible "Leslie" Woman. She was in the competition by the grace of God but she didn't realise that I was the only God in Survivor: China. And that the tribes must worship only me and my will and also my messenger boy Jeff Probst. Bible Woman challenged my position, so I ordered everyone to kill her with spears.

LESLIE = DEAD

Dave pissed everyone in the tribe right off with his 'former model' ways. He also pissed me off a lot. I mean, Wow Dave, how long are you going to play that "I built a waterproof fireplace" card? I was contemplating killing him myself, but before I could, Sherea picked up a massive rock and crushed Dave's head with it in the dead of night. The tribe ritualistically danced until morning, and I grinned from the heavens.

DAVE = DEAD

Previously on Neighbours: Dec 10 - Dec 14, 2007

Well... it's done. Neighbours is over for the year and won't be back for several weeks. Such despair. Such angst and confusion. And the suspense... the suspense is really kicking in now.
As far as finales go, I have to say I'm very pleased. The sheer amount of popular and well-known lives in jeopardy is amazing. The relationship-related cliffhangers... pretty average and anti-climactic. But who the fuck cares about Janae and Ned when Bridgit and Declan are in peril??

OMFG!!! Here's the final recap of '07:

Monday: Elle and Riley press their boss to allow them to write about the rave scene that suddenly hit Erinsborough. But the assignment is given to Smithy! Damn that off-screen bastard. You win this round, Smithy. Oliver and Carmella discuss custody for maybe the millionth time since their baby's conception. Darren and Libby argue about starting over. He touches her hand, she pulls away. Dramatic. The old Timmins house is officially for sale, and the Parkers want to buy it. Allthewhile, Marco is a gay prostitute.

Tuesday: Libby is staying put in her childhood home. Darren is obsessed with both Shepp' and the saying of the word Shepp', and is thus displeased. Miranda and Steve think Janae is a dud and want her out of the house deal. Jessica is walking her dog and just so happens to see Angus the Pedophile Classic Car Collector having a heated discussion with Rachel. Jessica gets an evil close-up as she ponders what to do with the gossip. Carmella continues her latest rant over custody with Oliver saying that Marco will never take his role as a father. Okay, so we've established that again. Now write it down Carmella, so you can remember it. I don't want to go through all this again.

Wednesday: Rachel figures out that Jessica knows! Oh noes! So what happens next? They both decide to go dancing???? Uhhhh? I award the Ned Sigh of the Week to the moment when Miranda and Steve tell him that they don't want Janae's name on the house. Huge sigh. Darren deals with his worrying by going to the mechanic and pointing out Janae's incompetence as a businesswoman. Elle and Riley attend the rave party, disregarding the efforts of poor old Smithy.

Thursday: Rachel leaves the dance party to see Angus. He tells her to fuck off. She does. Then she goes back to him, which is enough for him to change his mind. Elle confesses to love some totally arbitrary and indistinctive background music. The warehouse that the dance party was being held in collapses. Shit!!! Janae kisses Darren after she finds out she needs to be excluded from the house purchase. Kirstin sees everything.

Friday: Janae can't believe what she did. She rushes home and tries to tell Ned, but doesn't get the chance. The news has broken about the warehouse crash and all the residents rush to the scene. Characters whose heads are poking out of rubble and/or big metal, heavy things include: Bridgit, Ringo, Jessica, Elle, Riley and Zeke. Characters that are just in there for the hell of it include: Declan, Karl and Libby.
Actually, Karl and Libby got crushed with what looked like a ton of concrete and mortar, so I don't know. Mopey Josh and Zeke's little gargoyle girlfriend made it out, but noone cared (myself included) and they were pushed aside like pieces of trash. If anyone is going to die it will be Jessica, if only just for storyline and contract related reasons. Soon she'll become infamous as 'that girl who died in that dance-party disaster.' But we are left waiting... to know for certain!

Previously on Neighbours will be back in '08 to cover the entire year's worth of Neighbours episodes. 2008 promises to be an amazing year for my Neighbours coverage. I'll award a Ned Sigh of the Week every week until I get sick of it. And I promise to stop overdoing the whole Marco is a gay man/slave/sex-worker punchline. Until then though, you're just going to have to put up with the other not-so-great segments of the blog. Enjoy, won't you?

Ad Shittium: An Aussie Goes Bolly

"Gday, I'm Gus and I'm comin' to India
(comin' to India) What's gotten int' ya?
Well you know last year, I went Barmy
This year, I'm gonna swing it like a swamy."


"If all things Indian, I must partake
He'll even charm the pants of a snake
I'm not here for just one day
I'll make new mates, the Aussie way
Coz' I've gone Bolly (He's gone Bolly)
I've gone Bolly, Come on Aussie
I've gone Bolly!"

Not since the sonnets of Shakespeare, or some may argue the epic tomes of Homer, has the creative mind come to witness such poetry. Thank you Gus; may you inspire a whole new generation of storytellers and dream-weavers. And upon the shoulders of these young scribes rests the undying possibility of issuing in a global renaissance from your near-divine teachings. And if I may end with a relevant quote: "I hear the vindaloo is really, really rich..." So true, so true.

Next season I'm praying for: An Aussie Goes And Never Comes Back. Ever.

Actual Letters From Foxtel Magazine: December 2007

There are three types of Foxtel magazine letters. The weird, the suck-up and the very rare normal and informative letter. The weird type letters are common, although not as common as the suck-up letters. This month, I will show to you how to discern a weird letter from a suck-up letter.

A weird letter is written by someone who is clearly quite nuts. For an example of this, visit last's month's example written by the delightfully insane and bigoted Janice Kidson-McDonald.

A suck-up letter is written by someone who is trying very hard, with great risk of dignity, to win free Foxtel iQ for a year. It's that simple.
My pick for this month's letter written by Greg Thomas is a prime example:

Love the iQ

I must thank FOXTEL and the iQ... you have saved my marriage with the functionality of the little silver box! However, it must be time to shock Australia once again and broadcast shows in high-definition (HD). Can you advise us when we can expect to drop our jaws?

Overdoing just a little? Perhaps. Or perhaps not enough. He wasn't awarded Letter of the Month. No, he actually lost out to one of those rare, scarcely heard about normal and informative letters. Maybe that will teach all those little ass-kissing lackeys to refrain from injecting saccharine into their concise passages like steroids: You'll never get top prize that way, Mr Greg Thomas. Now don't you and your wife have some Foxtel iQ bills to pay?

Death Toll: Survivor Week 1

It's here! It's late... but it's here. And oh boy, how I've missed it. There is nothing quite as amazing as beginning a new Survivor season. I know that sounds incredibly sad, but if incredibly sad is what I have to be to love Survivor this much, so be it.
That being said, I have to stress. I am NOT an obsessive fanatic. I can't tell you every single person's name from every season. But that's also what I love about it. People come and go in Survivor. Some live and some die. Some have legacies and some don't. It's a competition that operates as a social microcosm; one that defines our entire way of life... that is what is so compelling about Survivor. That and the CUHRAZY elaborate challenge apparatuses! Man, they are cool.

The season got off to a predictable start. People complained. A lot. But this should not be seen as a negative for viewers. What seems like a bunch of annoying Americans whining is ACTUALLY the beginning of us knowing who we will come to love and hate. For example, when Leslie broke down and wept because she missed her Bible, I knew I had my antagonist. I hope she sticks around long enough for it to really hurt when she gets left to die.

At the end of the first episode, Chicken was ended. This was an especially satisfying moment, seeings as Chicken was some old retard whose strategy in the game was to offer no input when it came to group decisions. It was a blessing to see him die.

CHICKEN = DEAD

At the end of the second episode, Ashley was killed off. Again, I completely agreed with the group's movement. She was a WWE superstar apparently, but she was totally dirty and her breasts were the size of a megalodon's testicles. She was also a lazy, good-for-nothing whore. No big loss.

ASHLEY = DEAD